Love&Relationship Self Development


Written by mypearlperception


Hi guys,

Well it’s kinda-sorta still the season of love. A lot of engagement rings flying upandan, here and there, people getting hitched, tying the knot and officially saying bye to the “singlehood market”, which in it’s sense is a very beautiful thing. Marriage is one broad topic I hold dear to my heart and would always want to share about but I’m usually reluctant to share my little insights/knowledge. The reason is because sometimes I feel like I’m relatively young and “kinda-sorta not qualified yet” if you get what I mean (Lol.. but I’ll be qualified someday, until then we (me, myself and I) shall purposefully wait 😀 ). I had a big nudge to share this and what really set the ball rolling was a reminder of the fact that God doesn’t always use “the qualified” when He wants to send home a message. I strongly believe in my heart that this is for someone out there, I may not know who you are but trust me God has you in mind for the fact that you’ve come across this.

With the alarming rate at which people have been getting engaged and married of late, you may be feeling like you’re not on the same planet Earth as them, like you’re an alien or you’re probably residing in planet Mars. No aota of boo or potential boo in sight, not to talk of being in a relationship or even getting engaged. You want this whole marriage thing sooo badly that you try so hard to manipulate things to satisfy that need to be hitched too. You never forget to dress to kill or be noticed while attending every single party that may luckily toss you a potential boo. This is the stress many people put themselves through all in the name of being desperate to get married and be featured on BellaNaija too.

The lesson to be passed across is one that we can easily relate to, as most people look forward to happy marriages. I’ll draw this lesson out from something that happened to me recently (in literal sense, it doesn’t correlate but in practical sense it does). Okay so during the week I was craving a particular snack soooo badly that I became super desperate to get it at all means even though I knew it wasn’t a part of my budget at that moment. Eventually, I ordered it and was super excited at the fact that at least my long awaited craving would be satisfied. After the close of work, I went to pick it up and meanwhile during the working hours, my mind would wander off to how the snack would taste, how fulfilling and satisfying it would be that I may not even be cured of my craving…lol (Note: I got distracted while working). So on getting to the pick up venue, my excitement flew 10notches up, I couldn’t wait to devour this snack. As I got into my car after collecting it, I immediately found my way through the double packaging and had two slices to eat without any hesitation. After the first slice the excitement had dropped to about fifty percent and while munching on the second slice, the excitement had gone about 9.5notches down (almost zero percent). I was no longer feeling/enjoying it as much as I craved it; I got tired too quickly and dumped the rest in the refrigerator when I got home. I guess I must have been too full from the thoughts of my craving that there wasn’t much room to accommodate the real deal.

The craving had been satisfied so now what???

This same thing applies to us when we crave getting married so badly and at all cost (the same way I craved for that snack). We usually get distracted while trying to sign up for a relationship or even marriage when it’s not part of God’s budget for us yet. Instead of focusing on the work we were called to do here on earth (purpose), we focus on having the fairy tale, talk-of-the-town type of wedding so we can be featured on BellaNaija and the likes. When we eventually get what we “seemingly want”, yes “want” because we may not need it at that moment. So yea, when we finally get what we “seemingly want” out of desperation, we get tired easily within a short time frame and enter into hibernation/flight mode. We are then left with the questions:


I’ve noticed that the most unexpected/unplanned good experiences are priceless and usually the best. The memories and rewards always linger, are usually long lasting and also worth the while. Just like the first time I tasted that snack, it was unexpected and tasted sooo good that the memory still lingers.

Marriage is no child’s play; it’s not something you dabble in and out of. Marriage is serious business and requires the unity of two ‘whole-mature’ individuals (male and female) who know what their individual/personal purposes are, what their purposes are for each other and what their purpose will be together in marriage before officially tying the knot. It’s one thing to just know and another thing entirely to do. So it requires them not only knowing these purposes but also ‘doing’ at least their individual/personal purposes while supporting each other (Purpose for each other, which would continue in marriage). The latter purpose (Purpose Together) would happen in marriage and most times from what I have observed, this is part of the bonding glue that keeps the marriage in one piece (please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong).

It is important to know and walk in the 1st categorized purpose (Personal purpose) before anything at all. It serves as one of the major litmus tests that will help you in the choice of your life partner. I’ve seen/I know women who didn’t discover themselves and their purpose before marriage, got into marriage and suddenly began to discover themselves/their purpose, only for them to be oppressed and humiliated by their husbands. Likewise some men being oppressed and humiliated by their wives too (I personally do not know of any but I know some of them pass through same stuff too). If you’re married and you belong to this category of people just ask God to help you on that journey and help turn around the heart of your spouse for good, that they’ll begin to buy into/support your vision. There’s nothing, I repeat: nothing God cannot do.

A lot of marriages have gone down the line or are on the verge of going down the line because many “unwhole” individuals have signed up for what they cannot handle due to their lack of wholeness (topic for another day). Do not waste your singlehood, trust me many married people wish they could turn back the hand of time and become single again so that they can right their wrongs or fill the empty vacuum they currently have and have had even before marriage. I’ve realized that rushing to get into that “something called Love” will most likely make you rush out. So just take your time, spend a lot of time with God, He’ll lead you to your personal purpose because the truth is that without Him, you’ll only remain a miserable-lost-course. He remains the manufacturer and only the manufacturer knows how best his product will function and yield an optimum result/output. Spend time with Him, get to know and discover yourself, work on your flaws (weaknesses) while leveraging on your strengths and things will eventually fall in the right places for you. (I recommend reading “The Purpose Driven Life” book by Rick Warren)

Always remember that it’s really not about how fast or early you get married but about how well prepared you are for marriage. Next week I’ll shed more light on being whole before marriage.

Thank you and have a fabulous weekend!

~ Mary Agaruwa

NB:- Please feel free to share your thoughts on this in the comment section below and also share this post with others if you wish to.



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