Be a person of your word…

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Hi guys!

So here’s a topic I was pondering on last night. I’ve noticed words flow freely and better into my head when I’m a little bit sobber…lol, nevertheless it has nothing to do with this topic. Hehe

So while sailing in my boat of thoughts, I began reminiscing on one of the lessons I had learnt and still trying to work on, in my not so old life. This lesson is about becoming a person of your word. We currently live in a generation where every and anything goes, where people are so much driven by money, success, status, reputation, fame and a name that they forget these things have fundamental building blocks, which most times seem infinitesimal. The truth and fact when it comes to erecting a building is that without the building blocks (the right building blocks to be precise), there can’t be any building. One of the building blocks I’ll be focusing on, in this context is you “Being a person of your word”.

Your words are very powerful and have the ability to make or mar you as a person. Once you give your word, people grasp unto it like a metal object would do to a magnet, anticipating its fulfillment. Also just like a little child who waits earnestly to see if daddy or mummy fulfills their promise. If you’ve noticed, when the parent in question fulfills his/her promises, the child usually tends to trust, love and defend that parent more whenever the need arises, but does the opposite when the parent defaults. Now, this is exactly what plays out when we give our word and it doesn’t match up with our actions.

God Himself, who is the perfect example that we are all urged to emulate, is a God of integrity and a God who keeps to His words. The bible records that His words never return to him empty without accomplishing the purpose for which it was sent, it also records that this same God honors His word more than His name and my own perspective to this is that; He honors His word more than His name because His word is the fundamental building block for His name. Without His word, He has no name. Also, if He honored His name more than His words, He may probably get too carried away and not fulfill those words, thus causing His name to be inconsequential and not befitting.

Your words either build or mar your reputation, so it is left for you to make the choice to start or keep on being a person of your word. There may be instances when impromptu engagements come up and you may have to bend your word. Such cases occur and are actually inevitable but can be handled properly without denting your reputation. How?  The answer is quite simple; Communicate!. When you find yourself in such situation, notify the receiving end as soon as possible, apologize and let them know about the impromptu engagement so that they are not left floating or thinking that you care less about their own interest. Then, re-validate your word, if you have to and try as much as possible to ensure that it doesn’t become a routine.

Finally before I round up, I’ll share with you 4 things that may happen when you don’t keep to your words.

  1. People lose their trust and tend to never take you seriously, even when you are actually serious. It is important to note that TRUST is one of the hardest things to re-build in life. Just like a smooth paper when rumpled, cannot attain its perfect initial state when trying to straighten it out.
  2. The reputation, name, as well as your brand (who you are perceived as) which you probably must have tried to build, begins to depreciate in value until there’s no value left.
  3. Great opportunities pass you by with the speed of light. Basically, opportunities are lost as a result of not keeping to your words. For instance, a scenario in which a person who perceives you to one without integrity, turns out to be the one giving referrals about people in your field. You’ll automatically lose out because he/she won’t be able to vouch for you and subsequently refer you.
  4. The last but not the least. The feedback you’d receive would be unsavory and this most likely will cause some form of insecurity in you, as well as frustration and lack of peace of mind. It may cause you to begin to underestimate yourself and feel “not enough”.

It is better for you not to give your word at all, than to give it and not fulfill it. Let integrity be one of your key watch words in life. It goes a lonnnnnnng way!

Feel free to share this post or leave your comments in the comment section below. Thank you and have a fabulous weekend.

~ Mary Agaruwa

NB:- I love being asked questions, so please feel free to ask questions on what may not be clear to you concerning this post or on any other pressing issue you may want to gain clarity on. You can type your question in the comment section below or send an email to : mypearlperception@gmail.com. Confidentiality is guaranteed!

Preparing To Become A Husband – 10 Tips For Single Men

Culled from: BMWK, Written by: Mykal Seaton

Hey guys!… Okay, so here’s the Men’s version.. 🙂

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The earlier article,  Preparing To Become A Wife ““ 10 Tips For Single Women, gave great tips for wives-to-be and inspired me to sit down and write out my thoughts on being a great husband. In no way am I proclaiming perfection in any of these areas, but like any relationship you have to work hard on the positives in order to become an ideal partner.

Prior to my marriage I would’ve never been able to construct a list like this and I hope my experiences can influence someone to develop positive habits prior to saying “I do.”

  1.  Develop An Intimate Relationship With God:(as seen on Preparing To Become A Wife ““ 10 Tips For Single Women)
    You cannot enter into a successful covenant with a husband wife if you don’t first have one with God. Seek biblical wisdom, study the word, develop a life of prayer and be dedicated to living for God. This will strengthen the marriage covenant when God allows you to walk into that season. A three-cord strand is not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12)
  2.  Be Faithful:
    Being faithful isn’t just restricted to being a “one-woman man.” You have to be faithful in every aspect of your marriage. Be faithful in the way you budget your finances as well as the time you spend with your wife and family. Your wife will always respect you when she’s able to trust you to be faithful to the life that you’re trying to live together.
  3.  Plan Together:
    Your wife is counting on you to have a realistic vision for the rest of your lives. Your marriage should include goals and a purpose that you two can openly discuss and achieve together. For example, if you two are planning to buy a house, how are you going to do that? To get the ball rolling, try writing down some short-term goals and post them on the fridge. When a goal is achieved you should acknowledge and celebrate it together.

4.Constantly Remix Your Love Language:
Your wife will appreciate your creativity when it comes to showing her how much she means to you. Remember to date your wife and always keep her guessing when it comes to how you show her that you love her. Get clever with the gift giving and remember that even though it’s the thought that counts they can always tell just how much thought went in to a gift.

  1.  PDA Is Much More Than Being “Hands-On”:
    Express your feelings for your wife in public often. PDA is more than just locking arms or lips at the mall. When you’re around your friends give compliments to your wife, praise her cooking, her outfit, or how proud you are of her recent accomplishment. Use social media to tell your wife and the world how much she means to you. (I love you @lcnurse10).
  2.  Be a R.E.A.L. Man:
    Realize that you have a responsibility to set the standard of living inside your household.
    Earn the right to call yourself a man by displaying Godly standards of headship.
    Always put your marriage first.
    Love unconditionally and eternally.
  3.  Make Sure Your Roots Are Solid:
    Having deep roots makes you dependable and gives your wife assurance. Be rooted in your faith, marriage, and job. Your wife should know how dedicated you are. Having deep roots will show that you are committed and reliable even during adversity. The trees that survive a storm are the trees with the deepest roots. As your roots deepen, your branches will grow and you will bear nothing but good fruit.
  4.  Adapt To Your New Environment:
    When you’re married the adjustment from the single or dating life can be a challenge. You’re going to be spending more time (a lot more) with your wife than with your friends. Leaving your gym shoes in the middle of floor might have been ok at your bachelor pad but with marriage comes new rules on household etiquette. Adapting smoothly into married living will make your wife more comfortable and ease any nervous feelings that she may have. Discuss with your wife on how your household should be run. This will help alleviate future arguments.
  5.  Be A Leader:
    As a husband it is imperative that you demonstrate the characteristics of a good leader. You must be patient enough to listen, confident enough to decide, and worthy enough of submission. If you don’t have the right answers, seek them out. If you can’t find the right answers, ask for help. Your wife is your helpmate and her opinion and input is just as important as yours. All decisions should not be left up to you alone. Tag-team often on problem solving and decision making with your wife. Be a president and not a dictator.
  6.  Pray Out Loud:
    Here’s a quick secret: one of the sexiest things you can do is randomly grab your wife by the hand and say, “Let’s pray.” Having a bold prayer life shows your wife that you’re not the end-all-be-all and that though you are the head of the house you still answer to a higher calling. Your willingness to pray out loud will inspire and increase the faith of your entire family.

What tips would you add to the list for single men?  

Preparing To Become A Wife: 10 Tips For Single Women

Culled from: BMWK, Written by: Tanika Jones

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Many women dream of that special day. You know the one, where all of the attention is on her in that gorgeous white dress. The flowers, the decorations, the fancy cars and let’s not forget, her Prince Charming.

Most women have an idea of what age they will be when Mr. Right asks her to spend the rest of her life with him. She has the colors picked out, the ideal season, the wedding party and even the guest list! To many women, the wedding day is the turning point in her life that will lead to her happily ever after. Many of us have focused (let’s be honest) so much time and thought on the wedding and the marriage that we have never spent enough time and energy on the most important part”…preparing to become a wife!

I too used to get excited about getting married, having a family and living the fairy tale princess life. But then it happened; reality hit me smack in the face. I started paying attention to women who were already wives. I quickly noticed that marriage takes work! I am talking about 24/7/365 work! The great thing about the marital covenant is that when you give it your all, you can live “happily ever after”!

As a woman involved in a courtship, I have obtained the counsel of women that have been married for 10+ years. I ask two questions that I believe will help prepare me to be the best wife that I can be. The first question is, “What are some things that you wish you would have done to prepare for marriage differently?” The other question is, “What advice would you give that would help me to be the wife that God calls women to be?” I have received great wisdom and advice from Godly women who have been married for close to 40 years! I would like to share that advice with other single women.

  1. Develop an intimate relationship with God. You cannot enter into a successful covenant with a husband if you don’t first have one with God. Seek biblical wisdom, study the word, develop a life of prayer and be dedicated to living for God. This will strengthen the marriage covenant when God allows you to walk into that season. A three-cord strand is not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12)
  2. Master the art of fidelity and trust. No man wants a woman that cannot be faithful nor one that turns her neck at every fine man that she sees. Learn to 100% committed prior to a serious courtship. Be happy with what God has blessed you with and cultivate your relationship. It is also important to be a woman of your word. If you promise to do something, be sure to do it!
  3. Develop the ability to take care of a home. Ladies, in order to be a great partner in marriage, we must bring the ability to emotionally and physically take care of the house. Learn to set a atmosphere of peace and love. Avoid quarrels when possible. Practice gentleness with others that cross your path.
  4. Learn how to cook! My mother once told me that a woman that cannot cook is not cute! We know that men like to eat. Let’s be serious here. We all need to eat to live. Eating out all of the time can become expensive and who doesn’t love a home-cooked meal from time to time. If you cannot do anything beyond boil water, invest in a cookbook. Try one new meal a week and you will quickly improve your cooking skills.
  5. Make smart financial decisions. If you desire to marry a man that provides and makes the best decisions for his family, you need to do the same. Smart men don’t want to marry a woman that spends way more than she saves. Work on your budget and be sure to have an emergency fund that covers 3-6 months on expenses along with retirement savings. Preparing for tomorrow is important. The ability to manage money is important in marriage.
  6. Be complete as one. Be comfortable with not having a man in this season. Learn to be happy on your own. Find joy in those things that make you happy. Love what you have and don’t covet what others have. Spend time in your singleness doing the things that you love to do. Travel, find hobbies and do the things that married women tell you that you won’t have time to do when you get married and then become a mother.
  7. Learn the art of compromise. Marriage will be about give and take. While you are single, learn that you don’t always have to be right and accept that most things will not always happen your way. Be willing to sacrifice what you want for the benefit and happiness of others. Wives have to compromise many things. The earlier we learn to compromise, the better off we will be in marriage.
  8. Be committed to pursuing your dreams and supporting others. It is important to have your own goals and motivations prior to becoming one with your future husbands. The single season is a great opportunity to begin building your career, business or working towards other goals. Learn how to support family and friends in their endeavors as well. When you become a wife, you will have to support your husband’s dreams, possibly at the expense of yours. You must be okay with this level of sacrifice and compromise prior to committing to marriage.
  9. Know what submission is and be ready to walk in it. Many people shy way from this discussion. Submission is not equivalent to obedience. Submission is yielding in love. Study God’s design for marriage and understand the role of a wife. In your singleness, God is your husband. Submit yourself to Him. Trust His plan and timing for your life. Seek His guidance in all that you do. Practicing submission now will be the driving force to it being second nature to you once you become a wife.
  10. Be holy and feminine in your conduct. Always carry yourself as a classy woman who walks with confidence. Men want a woman they are proud to take home to their families. They want a woman with high self-esteem, one who walks gracefully, respects herself and others around her.

Marriage is a sacred bond between God, man and woman. This is a great starting list to help single women prepare.

Whether you are single or married, share with us any other advice that can help women (and men too) prepare for a successful and lifelong marriage.

 

 

Everybody cannot be YOU…

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Hi guys!..

I’ve been too tempted to spill a part of the write up I had been saving for a later day… but it’s fine, I shall spill 😀

 

Have you ever felt so frustrated and upset with people that you often feel like duplicating your being in them so they could get to think, talk and act like you or act in a manner that suits you??? Have you ever tried explaining or expressing yourself to people and it just seems like they are hard nuts to crack, like they don’t just get you or see things the way you see them???… Lol, then this is for you…

 

Okay about a few years back, I used to get unnecessarily pissed off and frustrated about the various attitudes of various people around me and it was way too easy for me to think I had no issues myself, like I was flawless when it comes to my relating with people. There was a day I got really pissed off and upset about something a good friend of mine did, all because he didn’t do that thing the way I had expected. To him, he didn’t think he had done anything wrong and this got me more upset. It was something that could have easily been overlooked but I just kept boiling and ranting to myself about how I wished I could duplicate my being in everybody in this world and how I wished everybody could just be me… That was the selfish part of me coming out to play…Lol… As a matter of fact every other person could have wished to duplicate themselves in me in order for me to act, see and do things the way they do as well. So it’s the same feeling all round.

 

Yea so basically, with time I began to realize that everybody cannot be you and you cannot change anybody to suit yourself. You’re not the Holy Spirit. When people act in a manner that’s not pleasing to you, whether they are close to you or not, it is left for you to activate your wisdom site and respond gracefully to their actions. If you really feel the need to correct them, correct in love and not from a confrontational angle. The truth is that you do not have the power over how they act towards you, but you have the power to respond gracefully to their actions which in turn controls the way they act towards you. Wisdom is always profitable to direct.

Don’t fuss about or mad at a person all because they don’t do things the way you do. Everybody cannot be you and until you understand this, you’d keep getting disappointed and frustrated with the various attitudes f the various people around you. The same way no two finger prints are the same, is the exact same way nobody can be like another. We should all learn to give some room, be accommodating, celebrate the uniqueness of others and learn lessons from them. Do not condemn people for who they are. Instead,  love and encourage them to improve and be better.

 

I hope this helps you. Have a fabulous day!.. 🙂

~ Mary Agaruwa