IT’S OKAY TO SAY NO!…

image

Saying NO to certain things these days has become a really big/complicated issue because most people think they’ll be tagged as being bad, stingy or not nice for refusing to grant someone a favor. The truth is that it’s totally okay and very okay to say NO when there’s the need to or when your not in the best of positions to help.

I was talking with someone recently about learning to say NO without having to justify himself or give long explanations. He had financial commitments and responsibilities on ground to settle and that very day, he received a phone call from someone he knew, asking him for financial assistance. For some reasons he found it really difficult to come up straight and “politely give a NO” for an answer, probably saying:- “I’m so sorry Mr X i wish I could assist you but I can’t for now due to several financial commitments”.. Simple!.. Instead he went into full detailed reasons why he couldn’t help all in the name of trying to justify himself. I know so many people face similar situations as well. I also used to be like that until i told my self enough was enough and then started learning to have my yes be my yes and my no be my no.

Trust me, it’s really good and ideal for us to care for/help our loved ones and as many other people as possible but sometimes we over-do things and cross the boundaries. When we take care of others at the detriment of caring for ourselves, then we need to halt and rethink. I’m not trying to insinuate that one should be selfish and care less or stop being nice, all I’m trying to point out is that we have to know when to draw the line and not cross our boundaries. The truth is that lack of boundaries will burn you out and have you get mad and angry at yourself for allowing just anything go. You’ll end up finding yourself ALWAYS pleasing others at the detriment of your happiness, comfort and peace of mind, all in the name of “I don’t want him/her feel bad”, “I don’t want a confrontation”, “I don’t want to be tagged stingy, wicked or nonchalant”, “I don’t want to ruin the relationship I have with him/her”.

Actually, the irony is that saying NO when you have to/need to, in most reasonable cases salvages the relationships you have with people rather than saying YES all the time, getting sick and tired of saying YES and not having your will. This is because the task translates into a chore, an obligation, rather than a pleasure or something willfully done. In little or no time we begin to resent and avoid the person for asking us to do something, and continuously get mad at ourselves for agreeing or might just snap out some day when being totally fed up. And what does this do???.. It now ruins relationships labored for(labor in vain).

You shouldn’t displease yourself, compromise your happiness, your peace of mind or stress out yourself to please people so they don’t feel bad. If they care about you as well, they’ll understand it’s okay to have a NO for an answer sometimes. Always remember that it is okay, very okay to say NO when you have/need to without a compromise. Try to stop being “A People-pleaser” all in the name of wanting to be called Mr/Mrs Nice!…
Have a fabulous weekend!… πŸ™‚

~Mary Agaruwa

DO YOUR WORDS HEAL OR WOUND???

DO YOUR WORDS HEAL OR WOUND???

Proverbs 12:18(NIV)~Β The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the words of the wise brings healing.Β image

Do your words heal or wound?… Do you think before you speak? Or Are you nonchalant about your choice of words?… Are you fond of using curse words?… Do people around you feel less of themselves as a result of the words used on them by you?… How much of edifying and kind words do you often make use of?… Pause and ponder on these.
Β  Β  Β  Β Words have the power to either make or break. When words are spoken, they go a long long way, far more than meets the eye. The truth is that you need not slap or punch a person in the face before you know you’ve hurt them. Just a few harsh statements can do the job and even do it better. So, we should :~

  • Try to imbibe the habit of using kind words all the time no matter what or better still activate the self control button and keep mute if there are no kind words to use at a particular point in time. Proverbs 15:1(NIV)~ A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
  • Try to always correct people in love and not anger or hatred, when you find yourself in the position to do so. Ephesians 4:15(NIV)~Β Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.
  • Speak up and let people know when they hurt you with their words, at times it may not be intentional, nevertheless, he or she should be able to apologize immediately(this takes wisdom anyways!)
  • Finally, decide from now onward that our words will be healing, kind and edifying words and not words that’ll wound, cause scars or stigmatize anyone around you, including yourself. Ephesians 4:29(NIV)~ Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

image

Β  Β  Β  Be sure to taste your words before speaking because they cannot be retracted when spoken!… Have an amazing day.. God bless you!.. πŸ™‚

~Mary Agaruwa