Saying NO to certain things these days has become a really big/complicated issue because most people think they’ll be tagged as being bad, stingy or not nice for refusing to grant someone a favor. The truth is that it’s totally okay and very okay to say NO when there’s the need to or when your not in the best of positions to help.
I was talking with someone recently about learning to say NO without having to justify himself or give long explanations. He had financial commitments and responsibilities on ground to settle and that very day, he received a phone call from someone he knew, asking him for financial assistance. For some reasons he found it really difficult to come up straight and “politely give a NO” for an answer, probably saying:- “I’m so sorry Mr X i wish I could assist you but I can’t for now due to several financial commitments”.. Simple!.. Instead he went into full detailed reasons why he couldn’t help all in the name of trying to justify himself. I know so many people face similar situations as well. I also used to be like that until i told my self enough was enough and then started learning to have my yes be my yes and my no be my no.
Trust me, it’s really good and ideal for us to care for/help our loved ones and as many other people as possible but sometimes we over-do things and cross the boundaries. When we take care of others at the detriment of caring for ourselves, then we need to halt and rethink. I’m not trying to insinuate that one should be selfish and care less or stop being nice, all I’m trying to point out is that we have to know when to draw the line and not cross our boundaries. The truth is that lack of boundaries will burn you out and have you get mad and angry at yourself for allowing just anything go. You’ll end up finding yourself ALWAYS pleasing others at the detriment of your happiness, comfort and peace of mind, all in the name of “I don’t want him/her feel bad”, “I don’t want a confrontation”, “I don’t want to be tagged stingy, wicked or nonchalant”, “I don’t want to ruin the relationship I have with him/her”.
Actually, the irony is that saying NO when you have to/need to, in most reasonable cases salvages the relationships you have with people rather than saying YES all the time, getting sick and tired of saying YES and not having your will. This is because the task translates into a chore, an obligation, rather than a pleasure or something willfully done. In little or no time we begin to resent and avoid the person for asking us to do something, and continuously get mad at ourselves for agreeing or might just snap out some day when being totally fed up. And what does this do???.. It now ruins relationships labored for(labor in vain).
You shouldn’t displease yourself, compromise your happiness, your peace of mind or stress out yourself to please people so they don’t feel bad. If they care about you as well, they’ll understand it’s okay to have a NO for an answer sometimes. Always remember that it is okay, very okay to say NO when you have/need to without a compromise. Try to stop being “A People-pleaser” all in the name of wanting to be called Mr/Mrs Nice!…
Have a fabulous weekend!… 🙂